Just received my turn down letter from the Greater Harrisburg Arts Council.  I was not one of the 150 from 2,076 applicants.  Saying that there were that many applicants makes me feel a little bit better.  I was however really hoping for this one.  It would be a great experience to see my work in a museum setting.  I'm not as crestfallen as I used to be when I received a turn down however.  There's not much to say about it I suppose.  I'm still waiting on word from Penn State Altoona and Ceres Gallery in New York.  I'll have to cross my fingers double this time.  I remind myself that I have made great strides in the last 17 months.  I've set up my studio, started painting again, set up this site and donation program, taken a course in life drawing (rekindling my love of the figure), participated in 2 drawing marathons, begun a new series of self portraits, had 2 one man exhibitions, participated in 2 group shows and will be in another group exhibition starting in May.  Now, I think it's just time to get into the studio and paint.  Forget about the application process for a while.     

     I went outside on the deck today.  I was sitting on the steps, looking at my favorite tree I saw that it had some little white flowers growing which I had never noticed before.  (Usually I just look at it and admire it's overall form.)  I walked out to look more closely at the flowers.  Small green leaves, in the shape of  bamboo leaves are shooting out from it's branches.  Standing there I realized that at one time I thought I liked the tree better without it's foliage because I could see it's lovely curving arc.  This particular tree leans out to the side in an almost impossiible spiraling angle.  I listened to the birds and the sounds of the distant highway, I could hear the wind as it touched my body, slightly cool. 
     I turned to look at another of my favorite patches of trees and noticed how they too where bent and arching over.  I've always liked how they seem to make a doorway in their leaning.  "Their beauty is in the bending" I thought and then instantly realized that eventually they would grow to the point that they could no longer support their own weight and fall.  I turned and faced my favorite tree again.  Looking at it, sad that it would one day be gone, I thought "We all fall, dont we?".  
     It occured to me that the beauty of life is in the bending.  It isn't found in the strictness of our daily work routine or in driving our cars past one another, past life.  It is in the smallness, the soft voice of wind, the noticing of leaves.  It is in recognizing the unique nature of all things.  We all fall and if we do not bend, we may miss the beauty of our living.  Many of us will fall even before my favorite tree does.
       It's in the living, the attention to my breathing and life around me, in slowness that I can appreciate the beauty of my life.  I need to steal more moments like this for myself, divert from man made distractions/chaos, to remember, "the beauty is in the bending".