Working on new painted portrait a bit today, titled "day job".  Yesterday, I showed a co-worker my progress on the portrait and a few more pics on my cell phone.  She asked, "how do you find time to do that?"  It made me feel good to hear her say that.  I often worry that I don't spend enough time in the studio.  I worry about alot of things, but I think that one bothers me most.  It's like every minute I'm away from the studio, I feel like I'm cheating myself, being lazy, not doing what I "should" be doing.  I just don't know how to accept myself....yet.  I set these impossibly high standards for myself, that I often don't meet.  Standards that I would never expect from another person, oddly enough.  Never mind societal acceptance.  How does one gain acceptance of the self exactly?  I've at least gotten rid of the self hatred I had in my teens, 20's.  And, I'm not constantly judging my every move either.  There's just this nagging idea every now and again that says "you shouldn't be doing this, it would be better if you did that, your wasting your day, if you don't (enter given activity) today....you'll regret it later and be mad at yourself.  It's happening even now as I type.  Why didn't I ever learn that it was OK to do what I want to do?  I'm rolling along fine, living how I want to live and wham YOU CAN'T DO THIS!  Well, I guess I know why, but how does one make that feeling go away?  Acceptance.  I can't change it.  It's there.  It's a feeling, a fear, and that doesn't make it "real".  Maybe I haven't figured out or found acceptance for myself because I don't know what the feeling is that I'm looking for.  Maybe it's just accepting things, myself, one situation at a time, moment to moment for what is....moment to moment, what is...I'm off to meditate.